Pertinent processing...

It occurred to me that I have fired people and they have still felt good about me and the process.

I realized how that happens.

If the firee isn't made to feel attacked or excluded from the process - that is, the firee is drawn into the decision-making process? There is generally agreement on the outcome and no hard feelings.

A mutual understanding results - I've even had friendships deepen after such an interaction, normally considered "negative."

Dealing with people with an open exchange feels to me like it's most effective and creates the least pain for both parties.

If they are made to feel excluded or attacked? The decision dictated with no empathy or inclusion of how that decision was made?

The normal response is that the person is left angry, hurt, sad and possibly even grief-stricken. They don't feel appreciated or cared about; they have not been treated respectfully or compassionately.

Simply putting out edicts and demands in a hurtful, demeaning way makes for great script dialogue.

Negotiating for what we want or need inclusively, compassionately and interactively is effective and makes for a great relationship, even in the toughest of times.

I wish more people knew this stuff.