Colleen's thoughts on writing, directing and coaching, and her unique take on life itself!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

One + one = you

A couple of my actors have been undergoing some significant changes - to be healthier, more positive and do what they know they must to be happy.

I admire their courage for foraging into the tough terrain of personal growth and totally support their efforts in whatever ways I can.

A significant "problem" getting in their way, however, is that they're beating themselves up for making the not-so-smart choices they have in the past - choices that put them in the unhappy state they currently find themselves. Ouch.

Here's what I tell them - and myself - when I realize I've made a choice that doesn't exactly put me in the most clever, clear or cool category:

One plus one equals you. Or me.

To put it more simply: One + one = you. Or me. Or us, for that matter.

One: is your background, upbringing and influences.
One: is what you know and believe - about yourself, about people and relationships, about the world.
You -Whatever decisions you make (good, bad, indifferent).

Its mathmatical probability is no reason for those behaviors to continue, however! Especially if they make you feel badly about yourself!

The only "one" that can change is what you know and believe about yourself.

Understanding that what you know/believe - about you and what motivates you to behave as you do influences your decisions - and that changing what you know/believe will transform your life, it's important to learn new ways to deal, cope, live, behave or whatever you need to do that makes the most positive difference for you.

Refining the second "one" influences the outcome of you - sometimes dramatically. And yet the brand new combination still equals the whole you.

How is your current one + one working for you?

This same equation can be applied to relationships.

One (your collective upbringing, influences, experiences) + one (what you believe about yourselves *and* your relationship) = you (collectively).

Interestingly, if a relationship "pushes buttons," then chances are it's a significant relationship in your life for personal growth. But that only works if both people are as committed to finding new ways of dealing with ourselves individually as well as each other in the relationship.

Otherwise, it's definitely better to work these things out with a healthier companion.

If the sum of you - or your relationship - currently leaves you feeling unhappy, lost, uncertain, wondering how the heck you got "here," where ever "here" is?

Maybe it's time to figure out where and how you might learn to start making wiser, more desireable decisions.

My first choice for learning is always the library. There are massive resources to address any general or specific issues we face, from how to heal heartbreak, train your dog, make healthy choices and create the life you desire to how to get your living space looking spectacular on any budget.

The internet is also rife with resources.

Here's the deal: once you realize that one + one = you, there are no more excuses for allowing destructive behaviors (our own or others) in any area of our lives.

That's healthy, problem-solving psychology.

However! As artists:

Actors and writers generally deal with abnormal psychology to create drama - whether comedy, drama or in the following case: tragedy.

Let's say there's this lonely little overweight kid whose mom suddenly becomes wealthy - so she takes off for Las Vegas, deserting him. Then his only (pathetic) friend, his beloved sled "Rosebud," is snatched from his hands by a neighborhood bully. (The first "one")

So this kid holds a grudge all his life. He takes out his childish anger on everyone with whom he comes in contact.

His sad, lonely background of desertion and abuse ("one") creates a juvenile perception that never matures ("+ one"), which in his mind makes him act in ways that prevent him from ever being as hurt as he was as a child when he was deserted and victimized again.

Thus equalling the abusive behavior ("= him").

He "gets even" with Rosebud's thief by taking over the world - by hook or crook, destryoing everyone in his path - especially those he believes he "loves."

Make sense?

One+one=the character, who in this case only knows how to hide his real feelings and raise Kane. ;-)


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