Guilt
Do you ever feel guilty?
Ordinarily I don't do things that give me reason to feel guilt, but when I do, it feels just plain icky.
No matter how well-intended my motivation - to take care of myself, protect myself, stop a hurtful situation - it still feels bad.
So when I do something that ignites that gut-wrenching "I did something wrong" sensation, I try to tend to it right away, attempting to make up for whatever I did to make me experience the "ick."
Take responsibility, face the music, deal with it.
The "remedies" are several: one is to 'fess up immediately and sincerely apologize, since I am genuinely remorseful - as well as offer to do something to atone or make amends for whatever I said or did.
Open and clean communication makes clearing the air and seeking/bestowing forgiveness happen soundly and quickly. Relationship repairs can be made; the bond strengthened as long as each person keeps his or her word afterward so trust can be built.
If neither an apology nor an offer of atonement is accepted, a significant problem - or communication failure - already existed in the relationship preceeding the blunder.
Unfortunately, if that's the case, it's left to both individuals to find ways to forgive themselves on their own, which can be a difficult and lengthy process.
Who wants to live like that?
Not me.
Interestingly, in genuinely great relationships, individuals can err and be forgiven because they live in a state of "good faith."
That is, they make every effort to cultivate trust between each other, so that when something does go awry, those involved consider each other well-intended.
For that reason, the situation is approached with empathy and compassion, no matter how awful the misstatement or misstep between the two appears to be.
The duo reveals how they're feeling - and they figure out how either or both got on the wrong track, all the while looking for a positive or protective motivation for what appears to be negative behavior.
They review the reasons, decisions and behaviors that established the relationship in such a positive way at the getgo, then renegotiate whatever might improve their connection.
The overriding belief is that both are worthy of forgiveness and a healthy relationship, and look for the hurt or fear causing the flare up so it can be healed and they can move on to higher ground.
I absolutely love the concept of living in good faith, and I am now making it a reality my life, asking that it be agreed to for every working and personal relationship in which I participate.
Every day starts with the declaration, spoken or unspoken, "Today I wish and choose to live in good faith with you."
If a problem arises? The question to ask is, "What hurts?"
And we can figure it out - constructively - together.
The point is to build communication, trust and an atmosphere of safety so that when we need to bring up difficult issues, or to talk things through, neither person is afraid to say how they feel so nothing stays bottled up. It's all out in the open to be dealt with compassionately and honestly.
Most important: both people must have this same philosophy - or want to - for it to work most effectively.
How does that sound?
-----------------------------------------------
This coming weekend I'm spending two full days learning how to use Final Cut Pro - a digital editing program at the local 911 Media Arts Center.
I know a lot about editing and have edited lots of film - but even when I shoot film now it's transferred to a digital format, and I don't know how to run digital editing programs. So I've had to work with digitally trained editors.
At this point, I decided I want and need to know how to use the upscale Final Cut Pro software to assemble my less formal projects, since there is no substitute for a great professional editor to handle my major works.
It may not be your definition of a typical weekend's enjoyment, but for me it will be fun, rewarding and challenging; plus I'll be able to help my actors create professional demo reels.
Fortunately, I own a MAC G4 on which I can use the editing program exclusively since I use my PC for writing and other functions.
I feel like I'm opening the door to a whole new creative world for myself - I can hardly wait!
---------------------------------------------
It seems that every day new readers from additional nations are tuning into my website - usually my blog - some of which are apparently being sent around the world. As of yesterday, it's being read by tens of thousands of people from 49 countries, up from 44 just a few days ago, according to the folks who keep track of my hits. Thank you!
Bienvenue, mes amis!
Ordinarily I don't do things that give me reason to feel guilt, but when I do, it feels just plain icky.
No matter how well-intended my motivation - to take care of myself, protect myself, stop a hurtful situation - it still feels bad.
So when I do something that ignites that gut-wrenching "I did something wrong" sensation, I try to tend to it right away, attempting to make up for whatever I did to make me experience the "ick."
Take responsibility, face the music, deal with it.
The "remedies" are several: one is to 'fess up immediately and sincerely apologize, since I am genuinely remorseful - as well as offer to do something to atone or make amends for whatever I said or did.
Open and clean communication makes clearing the air and seeking/bestowing forgiveness happen soundly and quickly. Relationship repairs can be made; the bond strengthened as long as each person keeps his or her word afterward so trust can be built.
If neither an apology nor an offer of atonement is accepted, a significant problem - or communication failure - already existed in the relationship preceeding the blunder.
Unfortunately, if that's the case, it's left to both individuals to find ways to forgive themselves on their own, which can be a difficult and lengthy process.
Who wants to live like that?
Not me.
Interestingly, in genuinely great relationships, individuals can err and be forgiven because they live in a state of "good faith."
That is, they make every effort to cultivate trust between each other, so that when something does go awry, those involved consider each other well-intended.
For that reason, the situation is approached with empathy and compassion, no matter how awful the misstatement or misstep between the two appears to be.
The duo reveals how they're feeling - and they figure out how either or both got on the wrong track, all the while looking for a positive or protective motivation for what appears to be negative behavior.
They review the reasons, decisions and behaviors that established the relationship in such a positive way at the getgo, then renegotiate whatever might improve their connection.
The overriding belief is that both are worthy of forgiveness and a healthy relationship, and look for the hurt or fear causing the flare up so it can be healed and they can move on to higher ground.
I absolutely love the concept of living in good faith, and I am now making it a reality my life, asking that it be agreed to for every working and personal relationship in which I participate.
Every day starts with the declaration, spoken or unspoken, "Today I wish and choose to live in good faith with you."
If a problem arises? The question to ask is, "What hurts?"
And we can figure it out - constructively - together.
The point is to build communication, trust and an atmosphere of safety so that when we need to bring up difficult issues, or to talk things through, neither person is afraid to say how they feel so nothing stays bottled up. It's all out in the open to be dealt with compassionately and honestly.
Most important: both people must have this same philosophy - or want to - for it to work most effectively.
How does that sound?
-----------------------------------------------
This coming weekend I'm spending two full days learning how to use Final Cut Pro - a digital editing program at the local 911 Media Arts Center.
I know a lot about editing and have edited lots of film - but even when I shoot film now it's transferred to a digital format, and I don't know how to run digital editing programs. So I've had to work with digitally trained editors.
At this point, I decided I want and need to know how to use the upscale Final Cut Pro software to assemble my less formal projects, since there is no substitute for a great professional editor to handle my major works.
It may not be your definition of a typical weekend's enjoyment, but for me it will be fun, rewarding and challenging; plus I'll be able to help my actors create professional demo reels.
Fortunately, I own a MAC G4 on which I can use the editing program exclusively since I use my PC for writing and other functions.
I feel like I'm opening the door to a whole new creative world for myself - I can hardly wait!
---------------------------------------------
It seems that every day new readers from additional nations are tuning into my website - usually my blog - some of which are apparently being sent around the world. As of yesterday, it's being read by tens of thousands of people from 49 countries, up from 44 just a few days ago, according to the folks who keep track of my hits. Thank you!
Bienvenue, mes amis!
posted by cp @ 5:12 AM
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