feels like home

I've joined a professional group of screenwriters in LA to become not just a better screenwriter, but a great one.

I'm working with them long distance from Seattle (with the possible trip to LA now and then), and have to say, it feels like home.

These folks are only interested in quality work, and after a long discussion with two of their leaders, I'm quite happy to be working with them.

It's going to mean far more intense devotion to my screenwriting, and I have to say it's time.

I do so many things - coach actors, writers, stand-up comics, singers and other performers, write (all sorts of things, including this near daily blog that enjoys a readership of tens of thousands of readers in 68 nations), direct, sing, and of course enjoy being a convivial, entertaining dinner party guest!

While I may be good at just about everything I do, I want to devote more of my life to writing and directing quality work. Having produced/written and directed some 16 short films and videos for the sake of improving my craft and my art, as well as written some 10 feature scripts, I want to get down and dirty and very serious about my writing and directing -- not to mention often produced.

The team I joined yesterday will help me make that happen and as I say, I'm thrilled they contacted me. One member who read my script Nothing But The Truth pronounced it "boffo!" It still has some improvements in store, but to start with that positive a review can't be a bad thing.

Anyway, I'm delighted, I'm organized and ready to work harder, learn quickly and continue to do what I love and love what I do but on a notably advanced professional level that will put me where I want to be in my career for the rest of my life.

When I speak of such things, my coachees have near heart attacks, fearful they're losing me -- nope, I'm still here for you! I'm just restricting new people I take so I can devote more time to writing and soon directing at a level I've prepared myself to perform - honing my craft, studying, researching, analyzing and doing the work - over the years.

For some reason I thought this experience would feel intimidating; overwhelming or scary.

Nope. It feels like home. The folks I've met speak my language. I feel like I'm right where I belong.

I'll take you on my journey with me, as always - only I may not be able to blog as often as I do now because of the changes in my schedule.

I'm up with Alec's crusade...

Alec Baldwin appeared on an extended segment of the US daytime chat show The View, speaking about his new quest: to make significant changes in laws regarding parental alienation in divorce cases.

Remorseful about the unforgivably abusive message he left recently on his daughter's answering service that was heard by millions of people when it was released to the media, he said he sought more counseling (from Dr. Phil, no less); that now his mettle is steeled to take action to stop a process in which one parent is unnecessarily alienated from the other when it comes to custody battles.

Hear his apology for speaking so cruelly to his daughter and about his drive to help parents who are purposefully and without reason other than revenge alienated from their children here.

He explains that he suffers from parental alienation syndrome, which he believes drove him to say the terrible things he did to his daughter.

He says he and his legal team have tried to reach out to his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, through her lawyers so they could have a healthy communication for the sake of their daughter, but over the years they have refused.

Evidence and common sense reveal there are thousands, if not millions of children suffering even more than their custodial and non-custodial parents, for in the end it is the children who not only carry the burden of their parents' hideous dysfunction and brutal treatment of one another - especially when the child is used as the object of a custody tractor pull - but who go on to spread this monumental sickness in their own relationships as they mature.

Even Albert Einstein, arguably the most intelligent man in the world, evah, was not smart enough to avoid being an alienated parent. He suffered for years when he was blocked from seeing or communicating with his two sons following the separation from his first wife. The anguish he endured being deprived of his sons is outlined in his biography Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson.

It must stop. Now.

Alec is making it his mission, his legacy to do what he can to make things right, healthy and just - not only for the sake of the children in vicious custody battles, but for all the parents involved - many of whom will go on to remarry and parent even more children.

Alec's book on parental alienation comes out this fall. It does not involve his own personal battle, but is rather a treatise on the extent, seriousness and backlash from this barbaric situation that exists in the silence of too many darkened homes, in the tortured minds of too many children, custodial and alienated parents.

And it provides answers to heal this rift - revealing how the legal community and others involved too often incite and exacerbate the already miserable situation.

The thing about Alec Baldwin - whether you personally "like" him or not - is that he is a well-intended, rarefied force with which to be reckoned because he is willing to be vulnerable, to let us in, to be as honest as possible with himself and therefore others and to put everything on the line for a cause in which he believes.

Any actor reading this will recognize those are the very traits fine actors must possess.

And, I'd guess, a good parent.

He may be fueled by anger, but his purpose is positive, constructive and three-dimensional, unlike the structure of legal alternatives today for divorcing parents and their children. He's not against anyone, but for fair and just treatment of everyone concerned - especially for the sake of the children and therefore by extension the sake of the parents.

Alec says he is going to devote 3-5 years of his life to this cause, that he doesn't care if he ever acts again in this culture of tabloid press. He asked to be released from his hit show, 30 Rock, but (fortunately for fans like me) was refused by NBC. He did not want to hurt the show by all his bad publicity.

But. Know what?

Who ever released the infamous message?

As misdirected as he was in giving the tape to the media, he has set into motion massive attention to unleash the bedrock of a movement that will only grow exponentially to vindicate its target and unleash truthful testimony that has been locked away in bitter, weeping hearts all too long. The mole will find that his actions of embarrassing Alec will backfire in court and actually solidify the relationship between him and his daughter.

I suggest that after all the dust settles, Mr. Baldwin will not only rise from these ashes like the mythical Phoenix, but triumph in instigating innovative ways that we cannot even imagine right now to help our culture in the coming months and years.

You go, guy.

heat

I am a warm blooded person. My hands are almost always quite warm - they are considered "healing" hands because of it.

No - I do not have a cold heart; my heart is actually quite warm.

(For those living in the 67 nations outside the US who read my blog, there's a saying here: "Warm hands, cold heart.")

What this means is that I easily tolerate cool temperatures.

My home studio is generally kept unintentionally cool because I don't feel cold until the thermostat hits like, 40F. That CP warm blood keeps me toasty.

When I held seminars here (I normally only coach one on one now), I would notice icicles dangling from the noses of participants before I would "get" that they were cold. It did seem a little strange that they would wear down jackets, muffler scarves, ear muffs and ski masks to the gatherings, but no one complained.

I wear short sleeves most of the time - even through Seattle winters (they aren't exactly Maine cold and snowy).

What I couldn't get over is that I didn't realize it was a serious problem until one day, I cranked up the heat to nearly 80 because one of my actors who needed an emergency session had a bad cold and I wanted to make certain she was as comfortable as she could be; I didn't want a cold environment to exacerbate her condition.

Shortly after she left, another of my favorite actors, Mitch, came in and, a little stunned, looked around and marveled, "Oh. My. God. Heat! What happened? Did you sell a book or something?"

Huh?

Since then I've installed halogen heators for the room and ask folks if they're warm enough, even if I'm left to prespire as if I have flop sweat.

anger

One of the first thing my actors learn from me is that anger is a secondary emotion.

Underlying all anger is either hurt, fear or a combination of both primary emotions.

Unless the actor shows the impetus - thus the layers - of his or her character's anger (hurt, fear or both) the performance is pretty one-dimensional, unconvincing and forgettable.

Showing all the complexities of the character's emotions makes the performance "unexplainably" memorable!

So, next time you get pissed off?

As yourself what hurts ... what you're afraid of ... or what hurts and scares you.

Avoiding misunderstandings

My family has a tradition of giving two greeting cards for every occasion.

To avoid misunderstandings.

Several years ago I sent my brother a card congratulating him on becoming president of a major company.

To me, anyway, it was funny.

First, I must explain.

He and I had a long, exciting tradition of sending one another humorous to knee-slapping hilarious cards. We always looked forward to receiving the *perfect* card that would send us ROTFLOAO!

Then came an episode of familia interruptus (not speaking, any of us), brought about by ... misunderstandings, due to a failure to communicate clearly.

This dispute was resolved before I sent my intended-to-be funny, soon-to-be infamous card.

It went something like this: The front of the card said, "Congratulations! I'm sure everyone in the company - including your competition - is thrilled with your promotion!"

Open it, and across both sides of the card it shows a white-shirted corporate guy laying face down on his big desk with this huge knife in his back.

In the old days mon frere would have doubled over laughing, tears flowing, farts tooting.

But .. after our initial reconcilliation, my congratulatory card was evidence of much work still left to be done to heal the family communications chasm. His former sense of humor was MIA.

My mom called to say He. Did. Not. Find. It. Funny.

In fact, he felt it was disrespectful.

Um, ouch.

OK, I can see where some people might see it that way, and I realized things had, indeed, changed. Or at least he had and I hadn't and maybe I should.

I apologized profusely, begged for forgiveness and sent him a hand written message of genuine congratulations, how he deserved it (he did!), yanga yanga yanga.

It would be awhile after that faux pas before I would send him another "brother - humorous" card.

Then I remembered another incident that occured years before the family furor when my bro encountered the same problem with my dad. He sent dad a "funny" card that daddy-o did not consider laughable, but was instead insulted. Or hurt. Or both.

OK.

A couple months after my screwup and groveling apology, I sent my bro another serious card for another occasion.

Then, wouldn't you know it, I found a really hilarious card for him that I couldn't refuse. I bought it, addressed it and put the stamp on it.

I wondered: send? Don't send. Send. Don't send. Send. Don't. Send. Don't..... Send?

I took a chance and dropped it in the mail box, hoping by now he might be able to enjoy it - especially since he already received my sincerely thoughtful message.

In fact -- he did enjoy it! Mercifully, he let me know right away!

Haha! Hoho! HURRAH! He was laughing!

At last we retrieved our mutual sense of humor! From the ashes rose the phunniex!

Thus spawned the family tradition of sending two cards for every holiday, occasion and opportunity.

To be *very* clear, my mother writes on the back of each dispatch, "This is the serious card." And, "This is the funny card."

I decided to do the very same -- just, you know, to avoid any misunderstanding.

Wassup w/happiness? (long, but fast read!)

I asked myself why I've been writing so much lately about happiness.

I realize it's because I'm happy - and I see so many people who are not only unhappy, but who actively make unhappiness happen in their lives.

They get in their own way, sabotage themselves, cut off healthy people and choices in their lives-

I guess I remember how I used to do the same thing way back when and how deeply I wished I had someone like me to show me the way, to turn on the light for that road less taken.

I do have more to say on the subject, but for now, I'm putting it to rest because whether Proust or Patrick, we all have to make the decision on our own, as I did, that happy is the way I want to feel, live and how I wish to deal with life.

As thousands of books, Oprah, Dr. Phil and the million other people who have found their own way to happiness know: it is no secret: making the decision to be happy - to have the desire to make the most of who we truly are live it to the fullest - is the first step.

Learning just how to be, behave and live that way day after day, minute by minute, has been the most challenging and enlightening path for me to take - and it's all been worth it.

I know I've said it before, but it's true: I wish you happiness.

The more happy people there are, the kinder we will treat ourselves and one another; the kinder we treat ourselves and one another, the more we will understand one another. The more we understand one another, the better we will get along. The better we get along, the less violence there will be. The less violence there will be, the fewer the wars will break out. The fewer the wars break out, the more we will focus on real issues in the world: health, education, the environment, self sufficiency and how a variety of cultures can live together in peace.

Interestingly, many people believe that we "need" war to keep economies stimulated. A lot of people mae a *lot* of money from waging war.

What they don't get is that if our economy shifted focus to thrive economically from promoting environmental welfare, empowering and educating people to become self-sufficient, healthy, understand each of us has a positive role to play in the world - that each of us belongs here - and capable of determining our own futures, the planet would thrive as we do.

The earth is the little canary in the world's coal mine.

If you listen carefully, you will hear that the little guy's song becoming weaker and weaker.

If you don't listen because you have better things to do? You will not only be shocked when he dies, but part of the reason he suffocated and mad as hell at all those "other people" who killed him because they wouldn't stop deforestation, polluting, overpopulating, killing off hundreds of species who are indicator animals.

"Indicator animals" are those whose welfare indicates the state of the environment in which they live.

There was a huge fight in the Northwest about the status of the endangered spotted owl, which relies on old forest growth to survive. If the spotted owl is in trouble, so is its environment. Loggers wanted to continue to harvest logs while environmentalists said that logging had to desist until the spotted owl's environment was healthy again.

Old forest growth takes decades - if not centuries - to thrive without interference other than clearing brush.

The media fight became between the "greedy" timber industry and the "idiot tree huggers" who don't make a living from the land. The stories almost *never* mentioned the spotted owl is an indicator species.

Like if the loggers keep logging without conisdering the future of the spotted owl? Um, no more logs, no more living off the land, and another area is deforested which reportedly contributes to more global warming.

If the environmentalists figured out a way to preserve the old growth forests in a way that would allow a healthy way to preserve the forests' integrity and - ultimately - maintain a thriving logging industry; if the logging industry came in with the attitude of needing to preserve its source of income by protecting the spotted owl, rather than just wanting to clear cut a forest then moving on to another area? The negotiations and media coverage would not have been so vitriolic.

As always, the enemies dehumanized one another at the outset - "Those greedy bastards don't care about the environment!" "Those tree-hugging hippies don't care about putting people out of work!"

The government stepped in by making proclamations rather than inviting all parties in before any proclamations were made so there would be a clear understanding of why the spotted owl needed to be protected. More, why wait until the species is endangered before taking action?

Let's face it - negotiators from all sides were un-happy! Unhappy people feel attacked instead of viewing a problem as a challenge.

They push people to take sides like two immature parents fighting over the custody of their kids in a nasty divorce.

Of course the innocent owl was caught in the middle - as its habitat was being destroyed, and by extension, the future of the logging industry there as well as contributing to the environmental illness of the world.

My wish is that one day I'll read the headline, "HAPPY PEOPLE MAKE PEACE BREAK OUT!"

I know it sounds woo woo and laa laa and tie-dye print and artsy fartsy to a lot of readers.

Believe me, it's not.

As you can see from my one very simple example, it's a totally left-brain, logical way to reason and think and negotiate.

We just have to teach people how to reallign their philosophies and reasoning systems.

But, as with happiness - they must make the decision they want to live, work and thrive as happy, educated, truthful people whose goal is to improve life for individuals and communities.

As it is, the unhappy "bad" conservatives supposedly only want what is best for the individual - generally the wealthy individual - those who have, keeping government out of our lives as much as possible (until it comes to intruding in our bedrooms, religions, women's bodies and other private matters) -

And the unhappy "bad" liberals supposedly only want government enforcing what they believe is good for the group - making government responsible for the welfare of everyone, including the "have nots." Of course, the folks who have to pay for it should be the "haves," only the "haves" have enough power to make sure the folks who end up paying more than their fair share are the "have nots."

Thus, the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.

I wish others would join me in understanding that it's time to rethink how we deal with all parts of a system wherein the people who are supposedly "in charge" of a republic - voters - are only left to feel constantly betrayed, lied to, powerless, helpless and .. dare I say it? UN-HAPPY!

My apologies for the length of this blog! Peace out! -cp

Proust's suffering and happiness

If you've seen the film Little Miss Sunshine, you know Steve Carell's character explains that Marcel Proust is considered as great or greater a writer than Shakespeare - whose life was filled with suffering until the last few years of his life.

At the end Proust said his happiest days were those fraught with suffering; that the time he ought to have considered himself happy were dull and unfulfilling.

Knowing me as you do (if you're a regular cp blog reader), I have to ponder his reflection and make a comment or two.

Fortunately for you, I won't use Proust's writing style because he was exceedingly loquacious, and by comparison my notes will be as concise as a three-year old's short term memory.

My first response: Hmmmm. I'm happy and don't consider my life unnecessarily difficult. I have faced challenges that most might consider suffering - like breast cancer, several biopsies, lumpectomies and surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, unpleasant ups and downs of any career in journalism and the arts, PTSD from the many traumatizing experiences I experienced as a child (my family moved 17 times by the time I was 17), Air Force veteran and journalist; a serious bout of depression; one truly miserable relationship (among others that were quite pleasant)-

Whoa. A biographer only reading this list without actually knowing me or having the perspective of reading the extended list of what I've done that is considered exciting, positive, valuable, fulfilling and/or rewarding would not have the slightest idea or understandng of who I am . Mostly because - except for that one relationship - I've enjoyed taking on life's tests and challenges.

I mean, bring it on.

What I'm saying is that what others may consider suffering, I take as simply one more thing in life with which to deal, along with all the other wonderful things I've been so fortunate to experience.

I have a feeling what could have happened to Proust is that he also got a emotional kick out of all the things life handed him - but then didn't have an awareness of the emotional impact so many of his challenges had on him. His life was full because of all the physical and emotional challenges he faced daily.

Then, like it happens with most of us, when he no longer had that emotional kick, he realized something was missing - finally having an awareness the impact those experiences had on him.

And perhaps at the end he simply gave in to what was handed him and relaxed because he wasn't forced to deal with a deluge of circumstances that previously made him feel fully alive day in and day out.

I read that another great novelist, Leo Tolstoy, was so successful that he basically allowed himself to "go to seed." People around him did everything for him - to a ridiculous degree - as he was left free to write and write and write some more.

That sort of "man of leisure" existence could become boring and tedious for someone like Proust, making life much less fun or engaging.

With success, at last, Proust may have found he no longer had the urgent sense of living with fewer stressful challenges that used to fill his life and provide the passion for creating his novels whenever he could.

So perhaps his definition of happiness was simply to be fully engaged - emotionally and physically - with life every moment, because he was forced to.

Then he didn't realize how to adapt, creating that sense of urgency and passion within himself when it wasn't shoved in his face.

IMO, happiness is a state of being we choose to have - no matter what is or isn't happening in our lives. And feeling fully alive - completely engaged in life - is also a choice that we make every minute of every day, whether we realize it or not.

A great example of making attitude choices in life is the film Groundhog Day, in which Bill Murray's character morphs from a self-centered, arrogant, unhappy, immature jerk into a fulfilled man - who learns how to live happily ever after when he decides to enjoy - and share - every minute of his life by becoming genuine, empathetic, compassionate and generous.

The war with Iraq - who's on first?

Do you know that President Bush has *never* attended the funeral or memorial service of even one soldier killed in Iraq?

But he attended the memorial service at Virginia Tech last week, proclaiming he mourned the senseless deaths of the 32 students killed by another student.

Flags fly at half mast honoring those slain students.

No flag has hung at half mast mourning the more than 3,300 American military lives lost in Iraq in the past four years.

Only starting this year, after a legal battle was fought are military caskets brought home to American soil in public. That legal fight was brought about by the parent of a son killed in Iraq who wanted the public to see - to understand - that his son gave his life for his country.

Before this, military caskets were brought home out of public view. In fact, there was a huge broohaha over a photo released to the media that showed a plane load of caskets carrying Americans soldiers killed in action home from Iraq.

It's almost as if the Bush adminstration wants the human cost of this war shaded in some sort of secrecy for fear the public would be outraged if we found out the truth and saw for ourselves the reality of what is going on.

Speaking of truth, did you know, according to author Jeremy Scahill, that the Bush administration has hired some 48,000 "private" soldiers from Blackwater mercenary services to fight in Iraq?

Which means we can actually withdraw the US military, but still pay billions for mercenary soldiers from other nations to continue the fight on our behalf - in our name - there?

A couple more books on the subject that may interest you that are not as politically progressive are Corporate Warriors: The Rise of the Privatized Military Industry (Cornell Studies in Security Affairs) by P.W. Singer, and Licensed to Kill: Hired Guns in the War on Terror by Robert Young Pelton.

Does this mean we are paying all those billions of tax dollars for the Bush administration to outsource a "US war" with Iraq?

Actually, Bush has pushed the US into what some declare catastrophic debt by borrowing the money to fight in Iraq - mostly from our, um, "close ally" China. Right.

There are some constitutional questions - like is this a legal war to begin with? What does having expensive private soldiers fighting a war on behalf of the US - in our name - mean?

Does going into such horrific debt with China give them some sort of power over us if they suddenly declare they want to get paid what we've borrowed from them *now!*?

Again - why are we losing all those American lives fighting a war in Iraq? Why are our valiant men and women coming home missing limbs, faces, and even their sanity? Only to have problems receiving proper medical and psychological care at home? Only to have families go through hell because their soldier has been so traumatized by what they've done and seen?

Why are we viewed in the world, more and more, as terrorists, invaders and occupiers instead of the good guys - liberators, freedom fighters and defenders of the downtrodden?

The only answers we seem to be getting to these questions are more questions .... like-

who's on first?

Alec's reprehensible rant

This hurts.

Horribly.

I am a huge fan of Alec Baldwin and his work.

He is an extraordinary talent and person. I interviewed him last year - his personal warmth, sense of humor, professionalism and desire to help others succeed in this business were clear; the words of wisdom he passed on to movieScope readers profound.

But with the release of the recorded horrific tirade against his 11 year-old daughter, Ireland, he is facing the personal trial of his life: whether to maturely take full responsibility for his actions and make a determined effort to grow up - or not.

To change how he deals with the misery that has been his spiteful divorce proceedings with ex, Kim Basinger - or not.

The PR nightmare resulting from the public airing of the abusive recorded message to his daughter has only been compounded by his reaction.

On his website, he makes an apology and tries to explain his behavior, in part saying that he regrets the words he used (like calling her a "pig") and that his anger was the result of six years of essentially being kicked around through custody battles by his ex-wife.

Here's the problem: there is no acceptable reason, explanation or cause for a father to verbally abuse his child. As in, ever.

If his gripe is with Kim Basinger, that is where he needs to direct his feelings - and has for six years, as she has directed hers against him - with Ireland caught in the middle.

As a parent, his role is to protect his daughter from people like him. To step in between people who for whatever reason personalize and attack children for something over which they have no power.

As a parent, his role is to let go of any feelings other than love, support, care and protection for his child.

The fact that he is attempting to explain his behavior tells us that he's trying to make himself somehow right or that his response would make sense if only we knew more about what *he* is going through.

Alec, that is the point.

It doesn't matter what you are going through. Your role is to protect your kid. Support, nurture, care for and about her.

I know he didn't come up with this abusive behavior in a vacuum. I have no doubt his own childhood and background play a role in his outrageous outburst and that the past six years have worn on him.

But the most important lesson a parent must learn is to stop making himself or herself the center of attention (he and Basinger have both failed to do this); the child should become the most important center of attention for parents the moment she's born.

I hate to think of Ireland being "brainwashed" by Basinger against her father, but he doesn't help his case by portraying himself as a victim rather than suck it up and be a responsible parent.

He spoke to his daughter as if she were knowlingly abusing him - as if he were the target of abuse - while he was in fact abusing her.

He does not seem to comprehend that his role as a parent is to try to understand why she does what she does and help her learn problem solving skills to avoid hurting other people - including him.

What a sad state of affairs for his child.

Who released the tape and why is a subject for the courts to decide. That has nothing to do with his daughter or being a good parent.

I join the chorus of people who care about him, who cry out that they wish he would get counseling to learn how to be the most effective, loving parent despite what he is going through in his divorce custody battle.

His behavior is inexcusable, as is Basinger's.

I join another chorus of people who wonder why these two 49 year-old chldren can't stop making the case against one another more important than the welfare of their child.

Adults can tell children over and over again that they did not cause a divorce. Even if they intellectually understand that - kids still feel and believe that it is their fault.

Kids may even feel at fault for a parent's personally abusive tirade directed specifically at them, when, in fact, it's all about an adult who is incapable of behaving like a responsible parent.

Whoever released the tape doesn't seem to understand that Ireland will suffer from knowing that the public heard her daddy belittle and abuse her so vehemently; reliving those vile, hurtful words along with millions of adults and kids who not only knew that he treated her this way, but heard it for themselves word for word.

Messages left on machines never go away. As in, never.

One of Baldwin's punishments for abusing his child will be that he will have to listen to this tape played in media over and over the rest of his life. The stories they air will have no relation to it, but they will play the message, nonetheless.

I believe it will also cost him jobs.

But all of this should pale to the punishment he suffers minute after minute, forced to live with the fact that he actually spoke to his child so abusively, using those hurtful words, that spiteful tone, with the unmistakeable motive of threatening and trying to scare her into behaving the way he wanted her to.

When we go to war, the first thing each side does is dehumanize the "enemy." That is what Alec and Basinger have done to one another. Now that duo is triangulated to include their innocent daughter, who is only guilty of being born to two people who now clearly and destructively hate one another.

The result, as in any war, is that a child grows up with a certain understanding of hate, enemies, an unfriendly world, believing it's them against the world, hating themselves for "causing" the war, and the probability of being abused by people he or she chooses to love, because that is how they interpret "love."

There's still time to turn it around. Grow up. Both of you. Find out how to deal with your feelings. Love your child enough to stop putting her in the middle of your adult idiocy, using her as a weapon to get revenge against one another.

The sooner you do this the sooner you'll stop being a punch line on late night TV - and the subject of blogs like this one! You have made this private affair the public's business - because we have witnessed a little girl be verbally abused, no matter the "cause" or who is to "blame"!

Divorce lawyers - how about earning your huge fees working in the best interest of the child; stop dividing these people any more than you have; help them become the world's best parents - and positive public role models for couples who are undergoing equally venemous divorces.

Only because of its already public venue, I suggest that Alec and Basinger get together with Dr. Phil to understand how to relate to their child in the most healthy way before it's too late. It would be a public service because there is no longer the possibility of privacy; show others how to save their kids from the hell this infamous couple has already put their daughter through.

Dr. Phil, take the wheel.

With whom are you careful?

A recent blog posted by my best mate poet-writer-lyricist-protege John Beresford entitled Someone loves you brought up all sorts of thoughts for me.

In his blog, John wonders why it is we seem to put more effort into our interactions with people we don't know than for the people with whom we share our lives most intimately.

You know, we spiff up for someone we want to impress, then feel no compunction about doing nothing about our appearance for the very person who does the most for us - in fact the very person who has to look at us most of the time.

It reminded me of an agent who repped my writing and directing awhile back. At first I considered her a bit closed off.

You must remember by contrast, my life is an open book. I'm pretty transparent, though I seldom discuss my family or others in my life to protect their privacy - except when one of my coachees deserves praise or congratulations!

I'm not sure why she liked me so much - perhaps it was that unshielded openness.

A true maple leaf Canadian, she is very down to earth, modest and quiet. She and her husband have one child.

Knowing how protective she is of her family and personal life, I was incredibly honored to be invited to stay with her family more than once.

The home is impeccably decorated - simple but elegant - and she is a gourmet cook.

I finally realized what was so impacting and impressive about her and her relationships with her family and those close to her: she wasn't wary - she was careful. Careful about whom she lets into her circle because she is someone who does what she says she'll do.

She is thoughtful, giving her very best to her immediate family and others who become part of her extended family. In order to be able to do that, she keeps her extended family circle small.

People are not treated cavalierly in her world. They are treated respectfully and she expects the same in return.

Promises are kept. When she says, "Call you later," she means she'll actually phone you soon. It's a committment, not a careless remark. She expects the same from you.

She carefully chooses what she cooks for herself, her family and guests (our favorite foods!); then prepares it -- with love. I guarantee you her cooking is *amazing!*

Since I don't cook, I clean up and do dishes with love ... ;-)

Decisions are made with scrupulous consideration. She and her husband communicate about decisions regarding their child, themselves and each other. They both have demanding careers.

Their unspoiled child is also thoughtful, respectful and considerate. And successful!

One thing that also stands out: their caring, sensitive actions appear effortless and easy.

I felt so appreciated, cared for and esteemed when I was around them; and that door swung both ways. Not because it was expected, but because I wanted to show them my appreciation and gratitude for all they did.

They brought my relationship game way up, so I wanted to make myself and others feel that special and respected.

I was also reminded the way we treat others closest to us is generally a reflection of how we think of ourselves. How we treat others we care about is a pretty good barometer of where we are with our own souls.

The folks who share their lives with us intimatly or with whom we are closest in work or play deserve our best, our deepest caring and highest esteem.

I will *never* forget having a discussion with a co-worker who blew off a meeting with another coworker at the last minute because she had a personal problem to work out.

She just left me a message saying she wouldn't even be back in town for a couple days.

When I saw her I asked why she felt she could just blow off our meeting without finding another way to deal with her personal situation. It felt pretty disrespectful and as if breaking her word to us wasn't a big deal to her.

She said, "I knew I could cancel because it was *just* (coworker NAME), and we could always have the meeting another time."

HUH? Say, WHAT? In very few words, she had discounted our coworker and the meeting more than if she had called people names and left the room screaming and yelling.

I responded, "I don't believe (coworker NAME) thinks of herself as *just* (coworker NAME). You didn't give me enough notice to cancel the meeting, so she still showed up and we had the meeting without you."

Which was the problem, but the absent coworker indicated it did not matter to her.

I realized this is the way she chose to treat her work family.

And it made me think of my agent/friend, realizing that she would never - never - treat anyone this way, nor would she allow them to treat her this way.

It gave me great insight into the coworker's relationship values - which I found untrustworthy - and the working relationship ended shortly thereafter.

In so many ways, we are members of several families at once.

How do you treat those with whom you are closest?

It's not the grand gestures that make the difference. It is the little things. The tender thanks for being you touch, email or card; making a favorite dish; the extra effort we make to create a warm connection or make a person feel seen, heard and understood.

I try to welcome people the same way my dogs and cat greet me - except I don't wag my tail or bark. They're always excited to see me and make it clear that in their eyes I am adored. I let them know the feeling is mutual.

Everyone who knows me understands what I mean when I say I like to treat people as well as I treat my dogs. *That* is a compliment! And of course, I like to be treated as well as they treat me!

It doesn't take a lot of work - just a little thought and understanding where our priorities lie.

Can someone else make you happy?

I had an interesting conversation recently about this with someone who believes that other people can make you happy.

I, on the other hand, believe that we make ourselves happy.

She insisted that unless other people make us happy, we become lonely, depressed and downhearted. Especially as we age.

When I tried to explain why I believe it's important that we learn to make ourselves happy - not at the exclusion of other people - but without being clinging or dependant on people to "make" us happy, she insisted we terminate the conversation.

She said she didn't want to "argue."

I didn't consider us anywhere near arguing, just disagreeing.

I love to talk with people with whom I disagree. Not to convince them as much as to see if I'm missing something in my own reasoning - no matter how steadfastly I defend my idea.

She considers hers the only valid viewpoint, and as far as she's concerned, that's that.

The only problem I see, however is that she's not a happy person, so she keeps wanting others to make her happy. To entertain her and make her feel special.

I'm happy. I'm happy in the company of others and on my own. I'm especially happy in one on one or small, intimate social situations rather than large groups. I'm happy around my two dogs and kitten-becoming-a-cat.

On occasion I miss specific people and when I do, I call or write them to let them know they're appreciated and make a date to see them or talk with them if they're far away. I'm also one to text folks out of the blue that I love them, heart them, miss them, care about them, am thinking of them, and ask if they need anything.

Sometimes I wonder if being happy without being surrounded by people or living with a significant other makes me somehow a loner or someone who is a little too independent.

I definitely enjoy my alone time; but coming from a background of writing in noisy TV, radio and newspaper newsrooms I'm able to write under just about any circumstance - so it's not imperative to be alone while I'm writing.

But I'm not really alone - I'm surrounded by three pets who love to be loved and played with and go for walks, a couple dozen clients who come here to be coached (some of whose sessions last several hours), my masters' writing group, friends, family...

Plus I'm socializing and networking more this year, which is turning out to be fun and exciting.

I guess the point here is that when it comes to the people in our lives, each of us has our own way to make ourselves happy with and without them.

My wish for you is that you have found your own personal way to feel good about yourself, the people you are around and happiness!

New movieScope magazine is out!

Great international filmmaking information empowering writers, directors, producers and actors!

My "acting for the camera" column for the new edition is all about finding your artistic voice. One of the best examples of someone who has found her voice and because of that successfully loses herself in her characters when she acts - Charlize Theron.

Are you "somebody?"

First, the answer is, "yes."

Problems arise in American culture when, to be seen as "somebody" too often means that you have to be on television or in the top ten ... whatever (singer, movie, team, speller), are recognized by others for doing nothing (i.e., a celebrity), are recognized for doing something - such as being exceptionally skilled, athletic, famous or infamous or--

You get what I mean .. the message is that we're not considered really special unless we are "known" -- by others. Through rumor or media or popularity or in some over the top, larger than life way.

At his core, Cho Seung-Hui wanted to be somebody - and we now see he planned for years just how to become somebody - notorious - in American history.

On a much less sinister level, one thing we've done to feed this cultural hunger is set up places advertising that we ... exist.

Seriously.

Like myspace.com and other websites that flash your photo and username - or the photo of someone you claim to be - on the internet for no other reason than .. than .. you sumitted a photo, and then not even necessarily of yourself.

For folks just starting out in the biz or stars wanting exposure with fan bases, these websites might work just fine.

But when I had a myspace.com site for a nanosecond, I was stricken - and uncomfortable - with how many people I barely knew or actually didn't know at all who wanted to be my "friend." Some brag they have "hundreds" or even thousands of "friends" on their myspace and that's supposed to mean something.

Are they really friends? Or real friends? Or friends at all?

Friendship is a serious commitment to me; I don't need a website to identify or communicate with them.

I guess one significant way we feel like we're "somebody" is to have a reflection of who we are from others - coworkers, friends, family, pets, others - and hopefully it's a correct impression.

Some people can actually believe that they are really popular if they have a bazillion friends listed on their website - no matter how few with whom they actually have a personal or intimate relationship.

Or if the reflection and comments of others are too fantastic -- we may think we have to "live up to" that high falootin' impression. Especially if it's not really who we are. Do we respond by trying to be the person they believe we are rather than have the courage to show them who we really are?

One way to show how much of a "somebody" we are is to figure out all the reasons and ways we are unique, important and valuable - to ourselves as well as others. Even if the others don't recognize those qualities in us. It's especially important to get in touch with those fantastic qualities within ourselves if in the past we've overlooked just how unique, important and valuable we are -- to ourselves and therefore to others.

The point is that whether we realize it or not, each of us is, indeed, "somebody."

Problems can occur when we don't realize that we are already somebody - or conversely if we believe we are somebody we actually are not.

Nothing wrong with trying to change - to enhance who we are.

But if we believe we're a concert pianist and we've only taken a few lessons?

Well, *that* could be a problem. ;-)

Again, great stuff for drama - not so great experienced in living color.

I've coached people who realized they wanted to become camera actors so they could show old classmates who picked on or bullied them that now they are somebody. After they started appearing in films or on TV, however, the passion they thought they felt for the work dissipated - because they got into the business for the wrong reasons.

Others want to be in films and on TV to pump up their self-esteem. Only to discover that self-esteeem has to be worked out and in place before working their way up the food chain in the biz of show.

If it's not already in place, insecure people act out in all sorts of horrendous ways when they start getting massive attention; their egos expand hugely and they become a real pill to work with instead of a true professional. All of that is caused from fear - the fear of being exposed as the nobody they believe they really are inside. These people become so intolerable to work with, as soon as their popularity wanes, they are no longer employed because no one wants to be around them.

The list of these former stars is long, indeed.

The "spiritual advisor" to one famous star told me nightmareish stories about how her client wouldn't even buy a plane ticket without checking with her first. The same for making work, personal and other choices we all face in everyday life. The star called her spiritual advisor any and all times of the day and night to find out if she should or shouldn't do something.

The "spiritual advisor" told me the star and I could work really well together on a project, but I freaked. I could not see myself working with someone that insecure and withdrew the project.

Interestingly I realized that here is someone who is seen as a "real" somebody, but doesn't in many ways feel enough of her own power to experience herself as a real somebody who can rely on her own judgement for too many basic decisions in her life.

By the way, that star also turned out to be a pretty vengeful person - she said some pretty nasty things about me after I withdrew the project.

Meanwhile, contrast that with the person who believes he or she is an amazing really bigshot somebody, but whom everyone around him or her only considers a pain in the posterior.

Like the guy currently in jail for squandering his company's money and assets on lavish personal gifts, homes, celebrations and trips. He considered himself an international somebody, as did everyone else. He also believed everyone around him, including his trophy wife, actually loved him. More, adored him.

But as soon as the position, homes, possessions and money were gone and he faced a few years in prison, so were all his "friends," co-workers who might have cared about him but didn't tell him how they experienced his behavior for fear of losing their jobs, sychophants, trophy wife, everyone. Buh-bah.

Today he sits in his jail cell, past midlife, starting life all over.

But now, his challenge is to understand that "even" in this situation - he is still somebody. He needs to discover his authentic self - his true identity - and what is genuinely valuable, important and unique about him that he can offer to himself and the world in order to be a healthy, happy, fulfilled somebody.

Gosh, this stuff fascinates me - think of all the stories that could be created about individuals from any one of these scenarios.

33 dead - because it started as "just" a domestic case

Several years ago, when I was the ombudsman/Reader Advocate for The Seattle Times (my experience there is another story you'd find fascinating) I wrote one of my weekly columns about the mistaken age-old journalistic philosophy that relationship, psychological and sociological stories are "soft" (read: *not real*) news, while murders, accidents, fires and basically fall in front of your face with photo ops incidents are "hard" (read *real*) news.

The outcome, unfortunately, of all too many of what they believe to be "soft" news becomes unnecessary "hard" news because the issues inherent in those "soft" stories are not explored adequately.

How we interact, treat ourselves and each other, relate and communicate - or fail to - all too often results in significant abuse and even homicide/suicide.

Worse, it spawns future generations of adults who have learned as children dysfunctional relationship reasoning and actions, which is nurtured by unceasing violent media, news and music images.

When adults finally understand their thinking and behavior is unhealthy, dysfunctional and out of whack and they choose to seek help, they've got a couple of footlockers stacked on all the childhood baggage they have to work through first.

Ouch.

Of course, the only way to address this with significant and faster results is to teach children how to treat themselves and others in a smart, healthy, protective and caring way. Most effectively, this is done by example.

Like, if you're telling your kids not to drink alcohol - while the first thing you do when you get home is open a bottle of beer, or consider a celebration barren of meaning unless there's alcohol - from wine to whiskey to scotch to tequila to champagne ... um, they only hear what you do, because what you say obviously isn't the truth.

So two people at Virginia Tech are killed by an unknown assailant at 7:15 a.m. yesterday, but police don't become too excited or consider the situation extremely urgent because, as one of their own police officers said - they believed it was "just" a domestic problem.

As they saw it, given their interpretation of the crime and evidence, their problem was to track down the "domestic" shooter. The armed shooter who had not just killed his innocent former girlfriend but another innocent individual as well - who what trying to mediate their argument.

The rest is another, abhorrent chapter in US gun abuse history by a guy who couldn't have his way, whose "woman" wouldn't do what he wanted her to do. Another coward who planned his revenge because he couldn't handle himself when he believed he lost control over someone who would not do his bidding. Who refuses to be owned by him.

By the way, these monsters don't "snap."

They carefully plan obtaining weapons and ammunition, how to reach their destination without being detected, how to find and access their victim, as well as an escape plan - even if it's suicide.

Recently, a woman was shot and killed at the University of Washington by a former boyfriend-turned-stalker. She did everything right. The UW has a thorough system of addressing such problems - it was just never put into motion.

For whatever reason, her complaints, her notification of all the officials who were supposed to be contacted, the evidence of the "domestic" crimes he had already committed against her along with her clear and present pleas to police and campus authorities that he was out to kill her ...

Yes, for whatever reason, her information was not passed up the chain of command to people who could have properly protected her and her co-workers.

It is believed that if the complaint had been other than a "domestic" dispute, it would have been handled differently. Like all other cowards, including the mass murderer at Virginia Tech, the UW woman's killer killed himself so he would not have to be accountable for his actions.

Domestic violence is not decreasing in the US.

American women are still assassinated in large numbers in domestic disputes, as are men, and the failure of the nation, law enforcement, judicial and government to be outraged and take severe action against perpetrators of domestic violence continues.

I believe in reasonable gun control, especially for automatic weapons.

But if the NRA got smart, they'd invest lots of their lobbying billions in programs to help families, kids and individuals learn how to live without harming and killing each other.

Unfortunately they're hard on selling guns, soft on helping to prevent people from abusing them.

Filmmaker John Waters is producing a reality courtroom program about spouses who kill one another. He notes that juries *never* get tough on the killer because, he says, they understand homicidal rage that occurs in those marriages.

A culture of violence is nurtured by a government that proclaims an unnecessary war is a proper means to solve a non-existent problem (oil) - killing tens of thousands of innocent people ("collateral damage") as well as our own and our allies' soldiers; a country that pushes the death penalty as a legal punishment even though several of those put to death have been found to be innocent; music, films and TV programs that glorify guns and killing as a means to solve problems; people who immaturely decide that the best way to deal with an issue is a straight line between a gun and its living target.

People smarter than me have said it; there is a hole in the soul of our (US) nation. The only way to fill it is to find out what is missing in our individual souls and what created the hole so we can learn to fill it once again. Many outside our nation who once admired and even revered the American promise - which depends on having a national soul - believe we have lost it.

But it all starts with that soft news story still put on the lower shelf of the what's urgent news code: what makes us treat ourselves and others with disrespect or respect; abuse or care; meanness or kindness; and an abiding interest in finding new and other ways to solve problems.

Just a thought.

Words to start your week

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Dr. Kent M. Keith

Another version of this sentiment - including other attributes - hangs on a wall of the orphanage Mother Theresa founded in Calcutta. Its source is unknown.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway
---

I also suggest listening to Martina McBride's song, "Anyway" if you're looking for inspiration with a musical lift. McBride wrote the lyrics and music for this deserving megahit!

The only thing we have to fear ...

... is fear itself.

So said US President Franklin D. Roosevelt all those years ago .. but it remains more true than ever today.

It seems to me that I know a lot of people who are afraid of themselves.

Afraid they can't do something that is their passion so they quit instead of facing their fears and doing their best - persevering at any and all odds to experience living a full life because they are afraid of the unknown - they don't know exactly how things will happen, how their efforts will turn out.

Others are afraid of being alone so they get - and stay - in unhealthy relationships believing it's better than not being with *someone.* Again, fear of not being able to find someone to treat them well, afraid of the unknown.

Others are afraid they'll lose their security if they don't do everything in their power to stay in an unhealthy job or an unhealthy relationship from which they believe they derive security. Yep, afraid of getting out there because they are afraid of the unknown, not giving their lives the opportunity to explore other avenues and find true happiness.

Others are afraid that the success they enjoy is undeserved, and they are afraid of facing their fears about that so they run ram shod over others - keeping them at a distance so they won't discover this sad "secret."

More, others start to face themselves, but draw the line at a certain point early on. I know actors who get so involved in activities that are nothing more than diversions from what they really want to do - where they really want to go - or at least say they really want to become professional actors.

As a coach, all I can do is point this out and let people make their own decisions. The toughest part of being a coach is to watch as people wade through the outcome of their less than healthy decisions.

But I see the fear in their eyes - they have to distract themselves because they're too afraid to stay on track. I know each person has a different reason for doing this, and when people don't face themselves early on in their careers - to really know who they are before they start messing with their futures and their characters' lives? It can be scary.

Still others are so afraid of doing anything to change themselves, believing that facing the unknown in anything is just to scary so they literally kill themselves staying with what they know -- whether it's unhealthy, destructive to themselves and others, or simply a means to survive since they're terrified of seeking other ways - or other people with whom to survive.

Many women - and men - in abusive relationships refuse to get the help they need to find healthy ways to relate for fear that they will somehow lose one another. Tragically, they can go on for *years* and *years* playing their miserable cat and mouse games because they are too frightened to face the truth, face the music, and honestly determine who they are, what will make them genuinely happy and how to enjoy truly happy, fulfilling relationships.

A partner who refuses to grow, as we have seen far too many times in our culture, can become homicidal - kill his partner and/or himself rather than allow anything to change - even when children are involved.

In part because healthy intimate relationships are not something they have witnessed personally; in part because each individual in this sort of cat and mouse relationship frequently is in it for himself or herself so they continue to live in their paranoid fear - not in it for each other and the partnership.

As we reach young adulthood, these things are always based on choice. Deciding whether we want to have a healthy relationship and then to learn about them; how to achieve them as well as seek counseling or help from friends who are in healthy relationships.

Great fodder for drama and comedy.

Tragedy, however, and many, many wasted years in real life because it's as if people who live in such stark fear spend their lives in those little gerbil cage wheels. The cute little furry guy looks so adorable as he believes he's going somewhere because he's making the wheel turn.

The faster he makes it go? The farther he believes he is moving.

But we, looking from the outside, know what's really going on.

And those of us who see the truth in the people around us whose motivation is ultimately and almost always based on fear have the obligation to live courageously. To constantly work to face the truth in our own lives so we can live with personal integrity and avoid the misery caused by being afraid to face who we really are - and what isn't working in our lives.

As difficult and frightening as it is to begin the path of exploring the unknown and facing our fears? It becomes more simple and fulfilling as we continue to live that way.

Once you start living this way, however, you really can't go back to unnecessarily cowering again, because you not only know what fear is, intimately, but understand how to react to it when it surges through us.

"Good" fear arises when we must protect ourselves; "other" fear is unnecessary and only paralyzes us from living as fully, capably and enjoyably as we can.

It's important that we learn how to make ourselves feel safe enough to make it through every subsequent step we must take to get where we want to go.

Those who are deeply spiritual - as am I - believe that we are intended to live courageously. I guess it's because I basically feel safe; I don't feel alone and have a deep, abiding belief that I can handle anything thrown at me by life because I don't feel alone.

But like everyone, I have fears; I just choose to move through them to see what's on the other side. My greatest fear is that I will one day fail to live courageously by not recognizing a fear within me.

When it comes to fear, what do you believe?

SAG franchised agents represent everyone!

For some reason there are really crazy myths and misunderstandings surrounding the biz of show regarding working in films and the "culture."

One of them is that SAG (Screen Actor's Guild) franchised agents can only represent SAG members.

Completely, totally and absolutely not true.

SAG franchised agents can represent anyone. A super agent may choose to rep just SAG members, but theres no rule that says he or she "must" rep only SAG actors.

This rumor doesn't make sense because the purpose of SAG is to increase its membership to represent actors so they can enjoy the fairest wages and working conditions. The way to get more members is to have non-SAG members work with folks who have SAG connections so they can qualify to join the actors' union.

CBS radio fires Imus

Don Imus is now without employment.

He's been fired by both his employers - CBS radio network and MSNBC-TV cable network.

I worked in radio and television. And people who work in those industries are fired *all the time.*

People who usually only guess how to make money for station owners are put in decision-making positions. They seem to feel free to fiddle with employees' lives in an attempt to find the new big thing to attract advertising dollars.

Media sales people are always trying to convince advertisers why they should spend money on their station, personality, music format, etc., whether or not it ever pays off for the advertiser.

Radio and TV folks can be canned for no other reason than the manager wants his/her pal to take the spot. Or the station management changes. Or the format changes. Or the program director is jealous of the news director/morning anchor who gets more attention than she does at parties. Seriously. Been there, done that, even when ratings were climbing.

The audience isn't given a second thought - nor are co-workers who may try to fight to keep the employee because they're good at what they do *and* the ratings are climbing.

Both screamed loudly and were definitely heard this time.

In addition to extraordinary anger expressed by his audience, the outrage of MSNBC employees is actually credited with Imus' ousting there.

I have to wonder why his co-workers and fellow broadcasters (who understand and are quite sensitive to how much it hurts for anyone to lose such a job) appeared to have so little respect or appreciation for this guy. If they did, he'd probably still be there because they would have fought for him. Instead they demanded his termination.

CBS surprised me because radio is known more for allowing more controversial, shockjocks and outrageous hosts, but apparently he went too far even for them. And what he said about the Rutgers women is not as bad as other racist and sexist comments he has made over the years.

I believe the deeper issue and our outrage don't have as much to do with Imus' comments - as odious as they were - as much as an overwhelming sense that hit the core of US sensibilities:

we are (FINALLY) fed up with people who have power abusing it.

We are tired of the cartels, governments and oil companies abusing us; charging more than $3.00/USD a gallon for gasoline.

We're tired of reading the death count daily of Americans, our allies and innocent Iraqi's being killed in a senseless war.

We're tired of "leaders" who are incapable of leading us, but only exploit us.

We're tired of a president and government who don't listen to us when we tell them specifically and directly invading Iraq was a mistake.

We're tired of "leaders" incapable of figuring out how to bring our troops home safely.

We're tired of "leaders" neglecting the institutions and cutting the staffs that care for our valiant men and women in uniform when they come back mutilated, wounded, and suffering mental problems that any normal person would after witnessing what they have.

We're tired of "leaders" who can't seem to figure out how to get us from point A to point B without being trapped in traffic congestion, but who continue to tax us to supposedly take care of these problems.

We're tired of listening to so many people pay lip service to erradicating racism and sexism while powerful people of all colors and genders in the entertainment industry - music, TV, radio, magazines, and the internet - demonstrate bigotry daily.

We're tired of the hate speeches from "leaders" who want only to manipulate us by calling us "unAmerican" or "betraying the troops" if we say we want them brought home soon - alive and well.

After making our desires clearly known in the last election, after being lied to and hurt over and over again by powerful people in business, religion, health care and government who abuse their power and only continue to ignore us?

We're tired of media who went from being the president's abused lap dog to suddenly realizing that he has been lying to us all along; that features "news talk shows" only featuring biased people who want media attention more than they do to find or tell the truth.

We are left now with few ways to express our outrage, our demand for justice, our need to be heard, in a loud and meaningful way.

Yep, we are effing fed up.

Don Imus just got in the way.

Imus canned by MSNBC

Despite a long record of letting his mouth be a foot receptor for sexist and racist remarks, MSNBC kept him on the air.

Why did this particular verbal offense make such a difference to so many - creating a landslide of reverberation loud enough to get him tossed out of his TV gig?

Before, his words slighted, insulted and demeaned adults who put themselves out for public appraisal - professional athletes (he once actually swore that he would stop referring to black athletes' simian qualities), politicians, entertainers, journalists.

This time, he degraded kids.

Daughters.

Innocent kids on a school team who had no intention of becoming individual public figures who are in a position to fight back; who have the opportunity to have individual media exposure to respond.

Kids who had sacrificed a lot and worked very hard to improve themselves and their game - some of whom are good enough to earn scholarships just to play.

Teen-age girls, mostly, who were just trying their best - and succeeding - to play championship college basketball.

Thus far, CBS radio says it will continue to carry his program after his two week suspension.

Radio has a history of being more apt to carry programs with outlandish shock jocks like Rush Limbaugh (who didn't last long at all on television when he gave it a crack) and Howard Stern.

Imus: "I need to grow up"

Two days after commenting on the final game of the women's NCAA basketball tournament between Rutgers and Tennessee (The Lady Vols won), radio and TV talk show host Don Imus admitted he did something wrong.

When talking about the nation's top two women's basketball teams duking it out for the championship - he overlooked their skills and abilities, which got them college scholarships for bringing their talent and gift of athleticism to each school, not to mention the the sacrifice and dedication of the women to their sport and academic achievements.

It was clear he had no respect for them as people, as women or as athletes, let alone champions.

For some reason, Imus felt compelled to evaluate the Rutgers women.

"That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they've got tattoos." he said.

His executive producer Bernard McGuirk added, "Some hard-core ho's."

Imus concluded, "That's some nappy-headed ho's there. I'm going to tell you that now."

To say Rutgers - and the world - were shocked by his bigoted, hurtful, degrading and infantile remarks is an understatement.

A tsunami of outrage poured in from even the most reasoned, docile sports fan and listener. They refused to sit by and tolerate the verbal atrocity.

I have a feeling perhaps the person most amazed by the response is Don Imus himself.

I've heard him defended by people who said we should remember him for his 40 years of work rather than this one absusive racist, sexist incident.

If it had been just this one incident?

I would say right. Destructive speech like this is a good lesson for everyone because of all the discussion it creates, and therefore education it brings about.

I'm all for the First Amendment and freedom of speech and don't want to see people fired for a single speech offense - even though several media personalities have been terminated in the past for saying much less offensive things.

But it wasn't just this one incident.

I won't repeat them on my blog because they are grieviously offensive - but this linked Chicago Sun-Times column by Jesse Jackson does. And after discovering all the other times Imus and his executive producer have said outrageously cruel racist and sexist comments over the years?

I say enough.

After apologizing many times, including on Al Sharpton's radio program, it's reported that Imus critics don't believe he understands why people are so angry at him - he's more concerned that he became the target of such volatile anger.

"I'm a good person," he has repeated, "who said a very bad thing."

But reports of his past extreme offenses over the years reveals a pattern of belief and behavior for which he has never done more than apologize - and apparently insincerely because he continued to do the same thing over again.

Imus has been suspended from his CBS radio/MSNBC-TV simulcast talk show for two weeks beginning this coming Monday. But indeed, CBS and MSNBC are partly to blame for not taking action much earlier, since his pattern of behavior has been established much earlier than this.

He says that the content of his show will be redirected because of this lesson. The question is whether his audience willingly listens to such things, and the audience has spoken loudly.

My problem is that he's had a million chances to change after being caught all the other times when he claimed he *knew* he said something "bad" then went on to continue to say things similar and worse.

Further it took him TWO DAYS to apologize for his comments - apparently having no idea after he said them that he had done something hideously wrong.

The only way his program will change is for him to go through the painful metamorphasis we all have to in order to deal with any bigoted ideas, beliefs and actions we've held in the past or may currently harbor.

Unfortunately, media usually totally screw this sort of dilemma up with their programming solutions.

They suddenly feature as guests a rash of visible minorities, gender/racial bias activists or politicians who want to make points by proclaiming their anti-racist, anti-sexist points of view or others whose rap we not only know but aren't really interested to hear again.

The program loses the personality of the host, which is why people tune in.

The whole point of redemption is to keep on doing his program "his way," but without racist, sexist comments. The question is whether "his way" necessarily includes racist or sexist comments.

He said it himself: "I have to grow up."

Again, the question is why he waited until he is 66 years old to decide to deal with his maturity.

Meanwhile, I'm sure one person laughing at all this falderal, someone who gets away with needlessly cruel, abusive, negative, racist and sexist remarks all the time is master lout and former drug addict Rush Limbaugh.

As odious as this man's words are, no one's talking about pulling his chain or his microphone plug.

Maybe that's because fewer people are listening.

Essential emotional nutrients!

The World Health Organization should add two elements to our minimum emotional/nutritional daily requirements (MDR's):

Vitamins N (urture) and A (ffection).

Affection and nurturing help our bodies produce endorphins.

Those are peptides that help us feel better, recover more completely and faster from whatever might be ailing us (physical and emotional) and give us a sense of well-being.

Making certain we have ample doses of both daily assists us feel good about ourselves, creating a much more positive attitude, helping us feel more open to accept other solutions, which adds up to being capable of taking on whatever life hands us.

In addition to tons o' hugs from people I see daily - including clients; I get puppy and kitty snuggles and kisses galore (the latter a little sand-paperish); scalp massages, air waves, manicures and pedicures from my favorite students at the nearby Gene Juarez Academy of Cosmetology; facials and skin work from my friend Kelli; massages; and frequent social visits to Kelli and her four month old baby Brock - who is very much a kissyface boy.

I love great conversation with friends and people I know who are exceptionally smart, accomplished or insightful.

I'm lucky because I work out of my home studio, so my pets are around me all the time. The folks I coach tend to fall in love with them as well. When little Oscar passed away recently, friends and those I coach who created a separate relationship with him over the months and years came to say good-bye.

I also like to be affectionate with people by sharing hugs, making appropriate physical contact or showing my fondness in other ways - like telling people for whom I care that I care about them or love them or that they are important to me.

I like to express appreciation to friends and others who do things for me; I like to write messages of thanks and make other small gestures that essentially say thanks for being you.

I tell my pets, "You know why I love you? Just because you're you." Come to think of it, I tell the kids I know and work with the same thing. Oh, yeah - and the adults.

I take classes to nurture my craft and mind: writing, poetry, drawing. I read, watch documentaries, research, investigate, attend presentations, surf the net and whatever else strikes my fancy to learn. I'm taking my first online class about Writing Romantic Screenplays next month.

I meditate, read spiritual works, write all sorts of things for myself and others, play piano, sing, play guitar and entertain anyone who will watch/listen, view and create art, attend concerts and listen to every type of music to nurture my soul.

Come to think of it, perhaps the most nurturing thing we can do for ourselves is laugh. Laughter kicks in torrents of endorphins more quickly than any other means of feeling good. Fortunately, I spend a lot of my day laughing with the folks I coach, the pets are a great source of laughter and I prescribe TV shows for myself like The Office, 30 Rock, Scrubs, Desperate Housewives and Looney Tunes cartoons, as well as listen to Stephanie Miller for a hearty ha-ha.

I love to walk, hike, now bike, work out at the gym, and have started to actually work in my yard to nurture myself and my environment physically. Before this year, God was my gardener. Now .. I'm learning how to care for and enhance the beauty of the rather wild wooded area in which I live. That's also a spiritual experience, come to think of it.

Yep, vitamins Affection and Nurture=endorphin production, and part of my MDR's.

She's the antidote for morning misery!

Personally, I like awakening with a smile - then feeling good about the day ahead.

My two Pomeranians, Mistletoe and JR, and my kitten - Allie Cat - make awakening with a smile happen. Each weighs about five pounds and pounce all over the bed, my head, and smother me with little kisses.

I like to think it's because they're as crazy in love with me as I am with them - but I have a feeling breakfast is the real reason for all that affection.

Feeling good about the day ahead happens because I love my work and life - and I listen to Stephanie Miller's hysterically funny radio program between 6-9am (PDT) Monday thru Friday.

Even "night people" convert, learning to get up early so they don't miss the show.

There have been listener complaints of hot coffee, tea, yogurt and cereal milk snarffed through noses because they could not stifle their laughter; drivers are warned to pay extra special attention to stay on the road because hilarity does reign - and a punch line is thrown when you least expect it. Pow!

Adult diapers are also recommended for anyone commuting a long distance because it is pee-your-pants funny.

The program is billed as a show to help us "Take Back America!"

"Steph" works with two other hosting partners-in-crime:

Jim Ward, whom she calls a "voice diety," because he is indeed a god in the world of mastering vocal modulation. Jim can create and re-create voices of everyone known and unknown, as well as any accent from any nation - again, known and unknown.

And executive producer "boy toy" Chris LaVoie, so named because he's cute and youthful.

The program is impeccably produced - I have worked in morning drive time radio as a news personality and this show has to be the envy of any team working in radio. Tight, terrific music, and laser sharp timing.

Politics, gossip, show biz, politicians, pop culture, electioneering, government, foreign and domestic affairs (in the political and sexual sense), war, peace, religion, family and every other topic that is supposed to be off-limits at a civil dinner are all fodder for this trio.

While the program's point of view is generally progressive (left of center), Stephanie is the daughter of former Republican U.S. Representative William Miller, Barry Goldwater's running mate in the 1964 Presidential election.

She believes that her father and Goldwater - considered the most solid conservatives in their heyday - would not recognize the Republican party or politics of today. She tells stories of Goldwater and her father working closely with their Democrat friends "across the aisle" - that there was not the extreme division of parties there is today.

Fortunately, all three condemn passing on unconfirmed, eyebrow-raising gossip!

Many's the time the boys have chastised Stephanie for mentioning the idle, nonsensical, unproved rumor that President Bush and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice are an "item!" I can assure you that I, too, firmly disapprove of passing on such ridiculous tales - and it's good that she says that she has heard Rice and Bush are hooking up - then discounts the story as no more than gossip, rumor and innuendo!

And I certainly won't pass on any more fabrications about Rice and Bush liaisoning...

Thanks to the internet and podcasts, Stephanie, Jim and Chris have fans all over the world.

Unlike other politically-oriented shows, the three have outspoken disagreements! Each has a specific talent and unique point of view - there are no "yes men" or women here. But there is a lot of accurate, serious information you cannot not hear anywhere else, as well as just plain silliness.

Stephanie also loves and adopts huge dogs, and is a supporter of Gentle Giants Rescue. Run by Burt Ward, who starred as Robin "The Boy Wonder" in the 1960's TV series Batman, and his wife, Tracy Posner Ward, Gentle Giants rescues and places extra large dog breeds in healthy adoptive homes.

The Stephanie Miller show has become so popular, top political and entertainment personalities have called in to speak with her about significant subjects.

And she has received death threats for being so humorously outspoken.

She acknowledges that growing up she was not particularly attractive. In fact, she was well known for her shaggy unibrow. Apparently a pneumatic drill was needed to get rid of the excess above-her-nose hair.

As a child she was a big fan of Woody Allen's films. Her celebrity family met him when she was six. When she shook his hand, he only stared and said, "Sorry, kid. Not interested."

She openly admits that, as a lonely, childless, heterosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that ..) spinster, she enjoys the occasional box of wine with her TV dinner as she sits and drinks alone in the shadows, watching Wheel. Of. Fortune, surrounded by her drooling megahounds.

She is also credited for turning all but one of the men she has dated gay. And he has since become a woman. Several gay organizations have given her "You See? It Isn't Us" awards for being a one-woman recruiting phenomenon, finally putting to rest the old myth that they are out to sign anyone up.

Seeing how attractive and, frankly, hot she actually is, few people believe her - but that's her story and she sticks with it.

Some folks on the far right wing of American religious-political ideology have accused Stephanie of broadcasting "hate speech," but I haven't heard it.

A woman of faith and (reasonable except when it comes at the expense of a really good joke) conscience, she loves people who do what she calls "The Lord's Work." That is, folks who help other people and animals and try to do the right thing for our country and work for restoring democracy in the US - regardless of where party lines fall.

Stephanie, Jim and Chris have agonized over what they consider the needless loss of life from the incursion of Iraq by President Bush and the outright lies told repeatedly by members of his administration, which they have continued to spread - even after the truth has exposed them to be lies.

The trio has also kicked the tires of liberal politicians if they deserve it, as well as given props and kudos to Republicans who have committed positive, constructive acts in government, their personal lives or the world!

I guess an open mind and sense of humor are prerequisites to get the biggest bang for your listening buck, and there are occasions when Stephanie, like all comedians, goes one toke over the line. But the gruesome twosome at her sides are right there to point, disapprove, hoot, chastise and ridicule her - just as any good friend would! ;-)

So, Stephanie - thanks for all the great information, insights and laughs!

And most of all, for not singing.

Is the US really a "loveless" nation?

Mother Theresa reportedly said that she found America to be the most loveless country in the world.

Why?

Because of our priorities.

Wait. I think most of us would say that our family, friends and loved ones - or seeking a relationship/significant other - are at the top of our priorities.

I mean, perhaps the greatest evidence of our priorities is our daily list of things to do:

What do you have written down?

How many of them involve family, friends and loved ones - or seeking that special relationship?

How many of them involve work-related tasks or activities?

How many of them involve both - like having your kids or significant other attend an activity you ordinarily do alone and that they might enjoy?

Does your list of things to do look like this:

9am staff meeting
10am presentation for execs
noon lunch with advertising rep
2pm meeting with VP, sales report
5:30 squash with Bill/gym
6:30 dinner with department head
8pm concert with Beth

Or this:

8:50am call Beth - tell her how much I love her!
9am staff meeting
9:50am pick up flowers for Beth/home
10 meet with execs
noon lunch with Beth - arrange for family vacation
2pm meeting with VP, sales report
3pm arrange for kids' play day Saturday (my week to do this)
5:30 squash with Bill/gym
6pm make dinner with Beth
6:30 dinner with Beth and kids
7:30 help kids with homework (except Friday when we play putt putt golf)

Just a thought.

Lost

My dad recently suffered bouts of intermittent dementia when he was hospitalized with a broken hip.

I understand dementia can hit elderly patients in hospitals with some regularity because so many drugs are floating through their bodies to begin with, then adding more, including pain pills, can push some over the top.

Most of the time his behavior is normal, but occasionally he slips in and out of a brief confusion - attributed to his age (87).

Like me ( ;-), he looks considerably younger than his age, and he's pretty physically fit so that makes him very strong (for his age).

One morning, within moments, he went from simply being a little groggy to becoming outright violent with the staff, actually striking his primary nurse and ripping out his IV's. Because of his outburst, he hurt himself enough to have to undergo another vital, though less major, operation.

This is especially painful for my mom - she doesn't fully understand that he has no idea what he is saying or doing when he flares up with one of his episodes and says all sorts of horrible things to her and everyone within the range of his voice.

For some reason dad listens to me, so mom called me to settle him down. I call the hospital.

He says he'll speak with me but he won't touch the phone because he insists, "It's loaded." With explosives.

So I talk to him via the nurse who holds the phone and transmits my messages to him. I can hear him just fine. I tell him no one is trying to harm him, that I would protect him if anyone tried.

He starts to relax and finally starts breathing normally so I hang up.

A few minutes later I call him again and this time he answers the phone. Frustrated, sad, angry, lost - but no longer believing the phone will detonate.

He pleads that "they" are trying to kill him. They're plotting against him. They're planning to hurt him.

After he vents for awhile, he concludes, his voice tapering, "I can't fight any more. They're going to do it. I can't fight any more."

I interrupt, "Don't."

Dad: Don't?

CP: Don't fight. Rest. That's what gets you well. Rest.

Dad: Rest?

CP: Rest.

Dad: I can't fight any more. They're going to -

CP: I won't let them get you. I'll protect you. I've got a special system in place to protect you.

Dad: Yes. I know you can. You have before.

(I have no idea what he means by this.)

CP: Yep. And I will again. Stop fighting. Rest.

Dad: OK, I'll rest. Stop fight..ing..

CP: I love you dad.

Dad: Rest.

I call back 10 minutes later.

His nurse answers. He's asleep, his wrists in restraints because there's no telling if he'll snap again.

If he remains settled, they can remove them but they can't "sedate" him to keep him settled; it's against the law to use any more restraint than necessary to protect the patient from harming himself or others.

Unfortunately, some recovery left him lost in confusion and helplessness - wondering how on earth he could do these things, afraid he might do it again.

My brother flew out to be with them a few days; he and I told my mother that her job now is to take care of herself; to let her friends take care of her the way she normally takes care of him because he has several people - all professionals - looking after him.

I stayed with them last weekend.

Dad's currently in a recovery and rehabilitation clinic. His dementia episodes still occur with some regularity. A nurse recently found him going through another patient's belongings, taking a wallet and other effects he believed were his. One thing about him - in his right mind, he is fastidiously honest.

It's painful to watch; it's also a concern to wonder whether it might be inherited.

The staff at the recvoery facility believes there is hope that with a lot of thought-provoking exercises, paying close attention to his behavior and having him flex his mental muscles, he may well have a shot at a real recovery and experience genuine clarity again.

For everyone enduring this sort of mental illness with family, friends or loved ones - my heart goes out to you. It leaves us all at a loss to do little more than cope until more is known about treating brain deteriorating conditions like dementia and alzheimer's disease.